Project Uday

Date: 15 December 2013.

Location: In UDAY Car, On the Way to Modi Nagar Ghaziabad

(For friends sister’s wedding party)

(A Hope In a Dark Or A Piece Of Happiness or A Reason For Smile On Other's Faces)

“UDAY” kahne KO bas ek name hai duniya ki najaro main, but ek jazba jeene ka and truth is totally different and it’s all about a small piece of joy, a hope, of life, ek pagalpan, ek junoon, ek nasha, a guy who always want to see other’s happy, might be his own happiness does not matter for him, what i always see in his eyes, he expects from his friends and people by whom he is surrounded but they never tried to understand him, he is just like a bubble of water who come for a second and disappeared. As i read his eyes that he just want a piece of happiness but nobody is able to do that, not even i am, sorry dude if i ever get you hurt. If i will sit to write about him, then the ink and paper will be finished but i can’t explain him in words.

UDAY a founder of a great friend group “FUKRM” (FUKRM stands for Farah, Uday, Kapil, Rahul, Manisha)

(A group picture of FUKRM at GIP mall on Manisha B’day 2013)

A guy who wants to make every moment memorable for other’s life but he never demand, never complaint for his wishes and dreams, i never ever had seen this kind of man in my 24 year of life.

UDAY ek aisa insaan Jo dusro ke liye humesha qurbaan rahta hai....

Just a guy, who knows well to live the every single moment of life, wants to live happily.

(UDAY and me at GIP mall on Uday’s B’day 2013)

How much of pain and trouble is he suffering from, he is never going to tell you, not even to me, as he always says to me; “Kapil yaar dekh tu mere jyada close hai aise baate main har Kisi se nai  Karta hu” .

What kind of pain he is going through now a days, i know and i understand but i am not perfect like him so sometime he used to say “Kapil yaar tu kuch bhi nai samjhta”, perhaps i am selfish, i have the lots of reason for having this kind of attitude in me but i keep silent myself in front of him, because he understand the situation better than me. When he scold me i feels bad and got hurt but he says “main tujhse bada hu thik hai muh mat bana ab” and i smiled as always we do.

Then i usually ask him “bhai tu itna gussa kyo Karta hai yaar problem kya hai tu btayega muje, or tu chill ho ja yaar”

UDAY Said: You know what hurts? Walking home and starting to cry before you even made it inside the house. Lying on the floor and just crying your eyes out for hours and hours because you feel so fucking alone and you hate yourself so much that you don’t know just what else to do. Wanting to do something to distract yourself, but not even having the energy to get up.

Yes, I have depression. No, I can’t just “get over it”

Have you ever felt like you don’t know what’s going on anymore? Like you don’t care about anything anymore? You’ve lost your motivation to do anything? You’re confused about your feelings and you can’t explain how you feel? You have that feeling of emptiness, and the feeling that no one is there for you? That feeling that no one understands you anymore? And it seems like there is nothing to look forward to? YEAH, I GET THESE FEELINGS TOO.

At this moment i kept silent myself, usually i do the same when he speaks, i never interrupt him.

(Uday and I at GIP mall Noida on my B’day 2013)

LIFE, 4 letter word starting with 12th letter of English alphabets but one of the toughest things to handle, crying that life is over when a person leaves you, crying when you lose, and harming yourselves for sadness in your life. But think again…

And i think honestly speaking my experience with life has been one of the worst….but crying over the fact that I had a bad childhood and stop progressing because of it is just dumb….people come and go but your life will go on and will not stop for you. People I trusted the most have left me…but i took it as my destiny and dropped it and moved on.

But then again it was something which can’t be just forgotten. So what to do? Well now the best option I have is to just ignore it and if it gets on my nerves, I just tell it to fuck off and come back later, and then just think about all the happy things around you and see people who have a crappier life than yours and are still living happily.

Have you ever wanted to say so much at once, that simply absolutely nothing comes out of your mouth. Your thoughts rush through your head over and over again, but disappear as fast as they come. Everything seems to pass by in a blink of an eye. Nothing seems to matter anymore and you’re just... lost.

In short UDAY is a person who is always ready to sacrifice for everything but others must be happy and then he will be happy.

In the end of this blog, i would like to close with few lines which is written by UDAY himself –

Toot kar bikhar Jana...

Kudarat hai sukhe patto ki....

Us zindagi se bhi hath sek Lena...

Fitrat hai hum insano ki...

Take care...all of you.